Liberation

I was told that you know you're doing the wrong thing when you ask for a break and are sobbing your eyes out immediately after. That means it's not what your heart wants, and it may not even be what's right for you at that moment.

A break is used and done well when you don't feel heavy-hearted, but relieved. You sort it out, and see if your relationship is still worth a go or if it's irreparable beyond recognition. And this will be a unique perspective: you outside of your relationship looking in.

That's the litmus test. If you're bawling as you're proposing a break, that's a sign that maybe that's not the right thing to consider. Maybe your feelings don't think the breakup is okay. And maybe it's the fear of actually losing them that holds you back. But if in your heart of hearts, you really do believe that the break is the way to go, by all means. If you need your space, ask for it and take it. But you should ask for a break, and stand your ground. If you can't, then that's not the solution.

Should you decide to take a break from the relationship, it's like introducing a new clause of the contract, or creating a new contract altogether. You have to create terms that both of you will agree on, such as length of the break, the level of communication during the break, and how faithful you two will remain to each other.

Taking a break is scary. It's when you realize how many factors of your relationship are out of your control. It can send you in a panic, or you can subject yourself to the test. You want to be optimistic that you'll still be together, and even stronger, yet there is the possibility that it's really over. It's the moment of truth (whether there's still love left, and there's still the willingness to work it through) but what I'd like to believe is...

The truth shall set you free.

Calling it quits is tough.

Calling it off is never easy. What's makes it even more difficult is that there is no one best way to break up. The dumper leaves with guilt, the dumped feel caught off-guard. You deal with tears, breaking hearts and crushing egos, sometimes all at the same time. It's like emergency surgery without anesthesia; I had a root canal where no amount of anesthesia could numb the area that needed it the most. Oh, I cried and felt such a deep pain from having my pulp literally pulled out of me.

But as The Bachelorette, I deal with egos. If you remember what Gaston does when Belle refuses to marry him, then you can understand why I am scared. Granted my parents won't get kidnapped or anything, but who knows how an egoist responds to a bruised ego. Sure I get called stupid for trying to explain myself, sure he can talk all the smack for a month or so, and sure he can try to jeopardize my life in the most dehumanizing manner possible. Will it matter? For the most part, no. He is off my shoulders. I don't have to listen to any of it. And I have plenty of friends who can prove otherwise.

Regarding breakups, there are several things that MUST be mentioned:

-"it's absolutely over." Don't offer friendship if you're dealing with tears. It's too confusing and mixed a message.

-you have to draw new lines. It's your call.

-honor the time you had together. It's good for future reference.

-"I'll be fine." Don't worry about hurting me, and promise me you won't kill yourself after this.

Incredibly self-absorbed

I only wish I could extricate myself from the clutches of self-absorbed guys a lot better than I have in the past. Apparently when you want to call it quits indefinitely, his ego claws and claws at you, trying to save face at your expense. It's so hard to maintain respect on the way out, and I am tempted to want to sling mud back at him.

Ate was right. Most guys who are in their late 20s and still not settled down are selfish and only date and have nowhere relationships just for their own self-gratification. The other set of guys who are still single are probably just unlucky. I thought I was fine with that (just dating because there's this guy who's so into me), that seeing someone every so often isn't such a bad idea, until I realized how serious it can quickly become with the wrong guy. After two weeks of getting past the crush haze and sifting through all his bola, I've become slightly attached already. It's not a lot, but it's still enough attachment to be a little bummed over.

It's too soon for me to be dealing with guys...I just got back from a fun vacation, and I'm going through good-time withdrawals. Life's too short to deal with people who always think that the problem is everything and everybody but them.

I will not lie to myself, nor will I discount my feelings

I cannot sleep at this hour. Which means there are many more things on my mind that will refuse to let me rest. After allowing some concerns to be marinated on, still I have unanswered questions, that maybe a relationship should not be started, but what to do with this attraction?

Lies do not only mean false witness, but also mean a withholding of truth. The fact that I don't know is what my very being will not allow with myself. I can't go on as if everything's okay, when there's this lie within my consciousness. I don't know what he wants.

At the same time, I won't discount my feelings. Starting from scratch, bumping down the state of affairs from what it is now, seems like a discounting of feelings. I refuse to throw away what is there, thinking that the test of time is sorely needed. Feelings die. Deliberately stymieing it may expedite the decay of feelings.

He shouldn't have to torture himself like this either. Is he really going to lie to himself and try to put it out of mind for the sake of knowing me as a friend? A platonic friend at that?

I've given myself time to sort this out, knowing that maybe it's going fast. I'm willing to put a hold on commitment, but attraction and feelings, I don't know if that's possible.

Ken you spare me?

Back in April I was supremely depressed. For the ones I needed the most, they deliberately avoided me and that was what led me down into an emotional tailspin. In the meantime, Nica and Chabby slept over at my house during spring break and Chabby decided to set me up with her friend Ken. I end up talking to him on the phone until 1 or 3 in the morning for a few days (or shall I say nights?) straight. It just seemed like it'd go somewhere. I get teased that I'm not single, but I always say I am single. It's become impossible to meet him, and I'd stake my hopes on surreptitious side meetings. The first time I actually do meet him was at my Baccalaureate mass, and it was awkward, what with my cousin there. She doesn't tell us her intention for taking a weird detour at my Baccalaureate mass. Then again, when does she ever? She warned me he wasn't much of a looker. Unfortunately, my standards include mandatory good looks :p Since then, I call, but he prefers the impersonalness of instant messaging. He tells me that he hoped to meet me, and during summer vacation I hoped to find some way to meet too. I attempt to go to a movie, but I felt my mom had to know where I was going, just in case I am not in the house when she comes home. Then our cover was blown. My cousin claimed nothing to do with with what exactly happened. But she did set me up with him. After that I was on my rag and I didn't feel like seeing him even though he has been Chabby's chaffeur all through her birthday week, which meant I was gonna see him quite often while I exiled myself to Kristine's house for the week. The skin rashes on his arms (perhaps from the family cat) reminded me of how much I'm not attracted to him. I also noticed he's been more and more inattentive online. At the same time my mom tells me that he's nothing. He's Carmela's friend of all people, and doesn't seem to have much in stock compared to me, according to my mom. Of course she'd like for me to find someone I actually really do like for once, not because I gave set ups a chance or I got immediately captivated by looks, but because there's someone out there who is definitely worth it. As of now, I don't intend on messaging Ken anymore, nor do I feel like giving him the black leather trifold wallet that he's been needing for quite a while already. Besides, I think he likes someone else, which makes perfect sense to me.
Bottom line: am I once again too good for such guys?