Torn

Nothing can be more frustrating than being torn between two people. You watch somebody go through this dilemma and can't help but scold them for that situation and scold them for being so wishy-washy. Times I wish it was as easy as the tv shows where some magic thing decides it for them at the end of the day. But for those who have experienced it, they know just how consuming that kind of decision is.

How do you know which person will be the one that makes you infinitely happy? What kinds of desires should dictate one's decision? To the torn individual, the stakes seem high where there's no turning back. Each decision carries with it a different mix of uncertainty, happiness, relief, more burden and regret down the road.

Sometimes the memories of my emotional affair haunt me and pull me into this tug-of-war, forcing me to decide whether the relationship I have now is still worth investing. Sometimes I get pulled back into thinking about what could've been, whether the joy and that connection I had shared at those very moments were just that or something more. Would I be happier if I chose the other guy or would I have been a complete fool to just dispose of the one whom I know truly deeply loves me with all his heart?

Well now it's old news. Since then I decided to continue my relationship, and even though I do run into the other guy often at school, I don't feel the same way anymore. Regret does creep up, but I have to remind myself that I was more swayed with the idea of being liked than with the idea of being loved. I can't say that the resolution is a perfect one, but it definitely felt right.