I will not lie to myself, nor will I discount my feelings

I cannot sleep at this hour. Which means there are many more things on my mind that will refuse to let me rest. After allowing some concerns to be marinated on, still I have unanswered questions, that maybe a relationship should not be started, but what to do with this attraction?

Lies do not only mean false witness, but also mean a withholding of truth. The fact that I don't know is what my very being will not allow with myself. I can't go on as if everything's okay, when there's this lie within my consciousness. I don't know what he wants.

At the same time, I won't discount my feelings. Starting from scratch, bumping down the state of affairs from what it is now, seems like a discounting of feelings. I refuse to throw away what is there, thinking that the test of time is sorely needed. Feelings die. Deliberately stymieing it may expedite the decay of feelings.

He shouldn't have to torture himself like this either. Is he really going to lie to himself and try to put it out of mind for the sake of knowing me as a friend? A platonic friend at that?

I've given myself time to sort this out, knowing that maybe it's going fast. I'm willing to put a hold on commitment, but attraction and feelings, I don't know if that's possible.