OK Cupid result

Last night, my roomie and I pissed away our time taking the OKCupid test, and here's my result:

Read My Result
Take the Test

I think it's very much me, and the last part makes a lot more sense now than it did the first time I got this result years ago. I can't be a good slut if my life depended on it, because I've been raised to look for Mr. Right-for-Forever. That can and will get in the way of being content with the multitude of Mr. Right Nows. *Sigh* who am I fooling? It's a long wait and lots of self-change for Mr. Right-for-forever, and frankly, that's making me an insecure wreck. I question myself a lot while pretending to be okay with the way my life is. I'm a big source of frustration; I should know, I frustrate myself a lot.

What's worse than being a single girl who hates being single?

Being a threatening single girl. I mean, it's enough for you yourself to know you're single, but for other people to just shoot you down because of some nonverbal indication of singlehood, that is just unfair. Allow me to demonstrate:

Girl is platonic friends with guy, enjoys the occasional conversation at most.
Guy has a girlfriend.
Girl meets girlfriend when guy is present, and it's more than awkward.
Girl tries being friendly to girlfriend but she doesn't speak or respond at all.

Sex and the City has done eps on this, so yeah. I'll come back to elaborate if I have anything new.

To the incredibly wonderful women who don't realize it firsthand...

I'm here to tell you you're wonderful. You whom I see to be the people I relate most to, the ones that make me so hopeful. Being single should never be a liability, nor should it ever be a crutch or an excuse to pass up true love. And longing to share shouldn't be like that either.

I have many friends who are incredibly attractive and are single. I wouldn't call them "surprisingly single" but that's the most common reaction received. Yes, these girls are an interesting breed. They're either too busy, too attractive, intimidating or have a few skeletons in the closet. Nonetheless, they all have one thing in common: themselves.

The women on Sex and the City are difficult to categorize as these women. They seriously had issues. They're seen more as the "I'm single because I have issues/skeletons in the closet"-type women who seem to be sure of themselves, and their problems were so over the top it was hard to sympathize with them. I found it incredibly difficult to sympathize with Carrie.

Perhaps this group is interesting because they're like young children with the yearning to grow. It's endearing, hopeful. And listening to them talk about crushes is actually amusing too. Maybe it's that feeling that if they find someone, he or she will be so good for them, and it'll be the stuff Hollywood movies are made out of.

Nothing

Acts become more literal when it feels like nothing. And then there are times when you start to feel nothing, and in some situations it seems to be the best thing to feel.

If you really thought about it, making out is gross. But given a certain context, it feels good. Pain is a horrible thing to feel, but some people like feeling it, like during bondage sessions. But then most people start to notice how gross and undesirable it is when they're not feeling anything because the thought enters: "his tongue is in my mouth" or "this is actually very very painful." That's why being raped is a whole different experience than making love. The victim doesn't feel great, she's thinking about how she's being invaded.

I always thought that I get over my feelings faster than usual, but scold myself if I can't get over it any sooner. And then, when all is said, done and thought-out, I felt nothing. So I talk to the dude who has made me feel absolutely stupid, and it's okay. I'm no longer full of contempt, nor am I having any desires or attraction. It's a cathartic feeling; I'm done feeling up in the air and down in the dumps over him, and now it's just talk. It's only talk that doesn't symbolize some rapport towards some grand affair (at least not to me), nor was it a chance for me to verbally degrade him. It's honestly the best feeling I've had, where nothing blew up when I saw him and he talked to me. Then again it could be the magic of the makeup that I wear.