Te Adoro, Anton...

It's weird how stories intersect in one way or another. Two of my friends hooked up, they said they met over PCN, and every time I've seen them they were always joined at the hip. Plus my couples aversion kicked in...it was kinda making me sick, and that was a gut feeling I couldn't ignore. They are so gonna hook up, and it was only a matter of when.

So I go to PCH's health panel and meet a Bio major. Maybe I've met him before, but didn't talk. First time we ever talked, and it was substantial by my book. Who knew it would be about what I just wrote above? He was left out of the dust on that story. How we started talking about the enviably pretty girl in that story, I don't remember. He talked about her like he worshipped her. Pretty and drop-dead gorgeous I understand, but intelligent? Smart yes, but intelligent I question. Maybe I should show him what I consider to be intelligent, which can also mean being a complete butthole, but hey, it's also coveted in some respects. Scratch that. I think he's pretty intelligent himself, I mean, have you seen what he gets on his LS midterms? O_O

Sometimes I don't recognize him, but he never forgets to say hi when he sees me. I love talking to him, and I mean it so much more than I can say. Except when the topic goes back to the couple mentioned above. Walking up to his dorm in Hedrick during finals week was so worth the extra words. I even expressed some of my dreams, but no immediate future hopes. Two jilted people getting close to each other doesn't sound right.

Summer does crazy things to me. It's a season that's conducive to my shameless flirting, encouraging me to entertain my wildest thoughts and dreams. So what exactly have I done so far? I said, "Te adoro, Anton" and later covered it up by saying it's a line out of West Side Story. Well, it is a line out of West Side Story. I'm no Maria though.

"At least you have a choice."

That statement has never produced so much dread since the day I got all my acceptance letters from all the colleges that I have applied to. It meant that I pretty much had a decision to make.

Funny how humans don't understand the true worth of anything until it's taken away from them. Because until I realized that I'm making choices for myself I thought it was a burden to have other people make decisions for me and all I had to do was to just go with what was left.

Ever read The House of Mirth? Lily Bart is part of high society and her next task in life is to get married. She could marry for love with Lawrence Selden, marry for money free or fear of infidelity with Simon Rosedale, among many other eligible bachelors. My English teacher concluded that maybe she doesn't even want to get married, because as the book went on and time was passing in the story, Lily's choices dwindled, and still she did not marry. She died single.

It's a gripping reality that I don't want to come to terms with. I'm afraid that if I don't make a decision, I'll divide my attentions among different people and just mess up all my commitments, leaving myself with nothing. And what if I do make the decision, but it ends up being a bad one? Love just seems a lot less complicated when one thinks that there's only one person out there for them. And you know what? I can only wish I had that blissful boobish situation and mentality. I badly want to believe in the idea of a single soul mate and none other for all eternity. But I can't, because I also know there's plenty of fish in the sea. The tricky part is when all of them are hungry for the bait at the same time.

Perhaps I do give myself more credit than I deserve. But my mother did warn me about this, and in the meantime, I should consider the chance to have a choice to be a good thing. It means that I don't have to settle for less, especially when 'less' approaches me with nothing to lose.

The "men of prowess" in my life

One thing I learned from Southeast Asian History class was how communities were developed, or in the case of Philippine locals, barangays. The one cultural commonality between the Southeast Asian countries, despite the people rarely having contact with each other is the idea of charismatic leadership and men of prowess or in the Philippines, the datus and the rajahs. Basically, we go with whomever we think has the most to offer us; it's like popularity in high school.
So how does all of this relate to this blog's collective theme?
Simple. Who are the men of prowess in my eyes? The ones whom I'd like to offer myself to for an equal amount of offering in return. The one that demands that I should be a part of him for all the good reasons.
But there's a catch to this system of charismatic leaders. Coolness, charisma and popularity (call it whatever you want) is fluid and fleeting at times. The current datu can easily be replaced by someone who either claims to have a bigger connection with the spirit world, is more attractive or popular, or who picked the best place for everyone to live.
My personal conclusion: I doubt I could be a one-man girl. I can willingly stick with one, but I'm always open to someone seemingly better coming along. And if my feelings lead me, I easily get caught in highs after spending a night in their dorm, having deep conversations about things both of us can relate to. It makes me forget my previous prospects. As "bad" as it may look, it's a culturally phylogenic trait for many Southeast Asians. No wonder the Philippines have celebs running for president...they're popular.