Liberation

I was told that you know you're doing the wrong thing when you ask for a break and are sobbing your eyes out immediately after. That means it's not what your heart wants, and it may not even be what's right for you at that moment.

A break is used and done well when you don't feel heavy-hearted, but relieved. You sort it out, and see if your relationship is still worth a go or if it's irreparable beyond recognition. And this will be a unique perspective: you outside of your relationship looking in.

That's the litmus test. If you're bawling as you're proposing a break, that's a sign that maybe that's not the right thing to consider. Maybe your feelings don't think the breakup is okay. And maybe it's the fear of actually losing them that holds you back. But if in your heart of hearts, you really do believe that the break is the way to go, by all means. If you need your space, ask for it and take it. But you should ask for a break, and stand your ground. If you can't, then that's not the solution.

Should you decide to take a break from the relationship, it's like introducing a new clause of the contract, or creating a new contract altogether. You have to create terms that both of you will agree on, such as length of the break, the level of communication during the break, and how faithful you two will remain to each other.

Taking a break is scary. It's when you realize how many factors of your relationship are out of your control. It can send you in a panic, or you can subject yourself to the test. You want to be optimistic that you'll still be together, and even stronger, yet there is the possibility that it's really over. It's the moment of truth (whether there's still love left, and there's still the willingness to work it through) but what I'd like to believe is...

The truth shall set you free.

Resolve

Would you in your relationship, rather...
argue and fight often but make up easily? or
argue and fight rarely but have a hard time resolving each fight?

Tough question, but of course it's best to strive for not fighting often and being able to resolve it quickly whenever it does. Because each argument and fight that a couple has is one more chance opening for the relationship to end, and each failure to resolve a fight is one more crack in the foundation of the relationship.

It may be pre-prescribed that a certain individual may or may not have a propensity towards arguing, and that can be altered depending on factors like the target of their spats, and how little patience they have overall.

Say in a relationship, a person suddenly gets nitpicky towards their partner and not towards anybody else. That can affect it. Then again, it can be other factors like simply being exhausted from the day. There are lots of external pressures that can cause a person to inappropriately project their frustration onto their partner. It is the internal factors (like whether we pick fights over everything to how we truly feel about the target of our frustration) that each person can learn to control to make their relationships happy.

I have come to learn that I'm actually quite a feisty partner. I may not always fight fair and I say some low-blow comments that are intended to hurt. I am very mean when hurt. Other than that, I know on a normal day that I am a nice person who knows and tries to make others happy. There are plenty of people like me, who, when their partner hurts them immensely, they become remorseless of inflicting the same kind of pain on their partners. But things can change. The longer you stay with a person that's good for you, the more you realize to pick your battles and learn to let go more easily. Sometimes a relationship evolves into one where there isn't much arguing because there hardly is any communication, to one with a lot of arguing from the increased communication, to one where the arguments subside, or wash ashore very easily. Sometimes that evolution is evident in one person going through several relationships. It's a journey one can choose to take to learn how to love, not just in romantic relationships, but in life overall.

I'd like to dedicate this to my boyfriend who wrote to me, "I think it is our willingness to forgive and work with each other that makes us so special." Even when I am fuming mad I still love you.