Marriage and The Pill

Marriage is like The Pill, especially when it comes to having children.

I'll make this short, given the time. I really do believe that women on the pill are at risk for std's because of the higher chances that they'll take risks. As if The Pill is insurance against one of the setbacks of life that having sex can result in. So no pregnancy, no problem. Forget a condom? That's okay, the body already thinks it's pregnant. Throw caution to the wind.

Abstaining until marriage. Obviously my extended family holds marriage in such high regard, and I can see why. It's very binding, and it's a new life altogether. Just the thought of that makes bedtime extra nice, and it's scientifically proven too.

I don't want to make this black and white, because both The Pill and marriage can give a false sense of security. The Pill lessens chances of getting pregnant, and if a child is conceived in marriage, it'll be alright, because at least the child has a mom and a dad. There are no less responsibilities when deciding to have sex, regardless of whether it is protected by a pill or by a sacred institution. Age doesn't lessen any risks of unplanned pregnancy either.

Eventually we all learn that we must always be on our toes about everything. There is no single magic thing that could take away all our worries. Unplanned pregnancies between married couples change a lot of lives, sometimes irrevocably. That's scary. After all of this, what's the point of even going on The Pill, getting married, or even having sex in the first place? And which one of those answers even merits being a good enough point made?

Who's truly the sick one here?

It's almost the norm to treat singlehood as a disease. Even those who willingly stay single might even imply that they're sick in some way and don't want to be attached like normal people would like to be. Let me rephrase that: even those who want to stay single still define their singlehood against attachment and might even adhere to the label as an excuse to just bitch about their situation, their entire life.

Personally, I thought it was normal for me to be single until a friend told me that she can picture me with someone. I'm not mad at her for telling me that, but I am mad at myself for even thinking about it. My misandry, however shaky, kept me above that kind of worry, until I had a breakdown. When something close to me is disturbed, like family, friends or my home, everything else falls. This concern, this worry that "I'm nothing without a man" didn't consume me fully until I got sick on other levels: until I lost my voice, lost my sanity in my living quarters, and lost my sleep, all at the same time. I worried about loneliness when I was sick; I wasn't sick because I was lonely. That's why I don't believe singlehood is a disease, unless one treats it like one in their mind. Chances are they're already diseased in some other way.

So we can be diseased with singlehood, or diseased with neediness. What can we do in the meantime? Sleep it off and take our meds and just rest and relax on the whole matter. That should do a world of good. Eventually being single won't be as bad as seeing plaid spots on the bathtub.

"But I thought you said you're nothing without a man."
"Oh please, I was troubled that night."
or
"Honey, I was delirious. I also saw plaid spots on the bathtub." -Samantha Jones

Men, marriage phobia and dogginess

There is a difference between misandry and just a plain lack of interest in another person. Or many. Being selective is such a pain.

Today I had a revelation that I'm a total girl who thinks weddings can be the most beautiful thing to witness. That can be very different from the way most men view a marriage. I'm certain many men value their freedom, but I figured that men get married because they truly want to. Then I was told that men get tricked into it. This coming from the person who wanted something with me.

I was lucky enough to (in the same day) talk to an actual married man about what he feels marriage is. While he did confirm that many men are scared of it and do see it as a prison, he personally saw it as a means of self-completion. Seriously, that's touching. I read in a Self-Realization Fellowship pamphlet that it is a way of attaining one's better self by being one and together with the other half that teaches you to balance your heart and your head.

That same conversation allowed me to vent about one source of my misandry: the supposed dogginess of Filipino men. So here's the word: Filipino men are the doggiest dogs ever. They are most likely to have relations without scruples in astonishing numbers. It's almost as if infidelity is built-in. What did I have to say? Damn right that can be so true most times. Not all Filipinos are like that, but it happens too much to disregard that "stereotype." It very well could be the reason why most Filipinas want to date or marry out of their ethnicity. Too many stories; three of the stories I've been told were experienced firsthand by my mother. So I asked her this..."If men are dogs, and pinoys are the doggiest there are, does that mean we eat them alive?"
"No, you cook them first."

I didn't mean to sound racist, but it promotes interesting study to see how Filipinos acquired the stereotype of being prone to committing the most betraying acts of infidelity. Who is going to discount the agony of realizing your boyfriend started another family with 3 kids? And then realize that this is awfully common among our kababayan?

Men are so different. They are full of pleasure, happiness and pain, all of which paint unimaginable stories. Perhaps this is what can open women's eyes to the kind of warmth, happiness and wrath that they can and do incur.