Daydreaming

Remember when I blogged about calling the 20s a new puberty where you're anxious to have your life take off? With my best friend getting hitched, I can't help but feel like such a late bloomer again. Except this time, I'm glad I'm waiting.

After being with my boyfriend for 4 years and counting, family and friends start getting curious. Mom starts giving me "when you're married" advice. And naturally, my boyfriend and I talk about it. I've always been fine with waiting and not wanting to pressure him, because that's a surefire way to scare away a guy. But I'm the girl that is okay with spoilers for movies and video game endings, so knowing when he'll ask is something I'd like to know. If only I could control it...

You don't know how many times I was told to wait until I'm 30. I don't want to wait until I'm 30, and as strange as this is, I want the first kid to be born before I'm 30. I don't want to be ailing and decrepit while the first child is going through the years where he or she may need me the most. But that's besides the point; I was told that waiting helps. Kate Middleton waited; she didn't marry Prince William until 8 years into their relationship and she was called "waity Katie" by the tabloids. Honestly, I thought it was a lost cause to wait that long. I wondered how in the world she could bear it. But then I thought of my own relationship.

One theory why marriage is something that is rushed is to "make sure it sticks," especially when the bad things about the person come out of the woodwork. You never know if the other person is going to see that side of you and bail, or if they'll still stick around. At least with marriage, they can't bail unless they go through a very expensive, nasty divorce. I noticed I was a little more anxious when I, without consulting his most honest opinion about this, thought that maybe this really is a nowhere relationship where deep down he thinks I'm a total nightmare. As if marriage would dispel that notion immediately with government and church-sanctioned security.

Another reason is because marriage is seen as "respectable" and "a new life" as well as "a future taking off" for the one getting married. It may make you the envy of all your friends--at least for a while. It's a rose-colored notion, because it's a lot more work than you could even imagine in just a long-term committed relationship. Still, all the advice can't stop me from dreaming about the bliss of just coming home to each other, cooking, sharing the day's details and sharing a bed.

Maybe that's what's best to do as of now. It does make me blush when my boyfriend hopes I catch the bouquet at whatever wedding I'm at and how glad he is when he finds out that I caught it. He dreams just as much, if not much more than I do about it. We already have an inside joke about how hideous gold bridesmaids dresses can get, as well as the never-ending debate on just how big the wedding party will be. We have time to dream big, and once it's time for that dream to come true...it'll be worth the wait.