Summertime

It's that time of the year again. A time when I can bask in manageable work and make things happen on my own accord. Most of all, it's the time when I can put one person (or more) under my spell.

My summer is like the one time I traveled to the Midwest. I was hyper and somewhat reckless, and let the embarrassing moments slip by, looking back just to laugh. It was so much fun to have a picture where it looks like I'm picking Jefferson's nose, to shuffle my feet on the walkway of Yellowstone Park and literally shock everyone I knew with static, and of course, collecting the keychains with my name on it. Okay okay, so I flirted with a waiter too. That's fine, I doubt I'll ever have to pay for that in the future. Consequences are for the school year, when one runs into the same people day after day for nine months.

My real blog says, "Moral: Carpe Diem, people." For a few months, gone are the silly rules and the super strict lines I've drawn for myself (of course I still need to keep some so I don't end up chopped to pieces in some guy's freezer). This summer has got to match and even exceed last summer. I want more interesting moments with people as if I won't see them ever again (and if I do, I hope it's not awkward). I want other people to watch movies with, to have coffee with, and even just to talk to. Now's no time for a broken heart, so what if I make the mistake of asking guys out, is forever really supposed to be an option?

No, I'm not dying. My brain cells probably are...darn those UV rays. Still, I'm up for fun!

Following one's heart

I've always relied on my head to get through life, and frankly, it worked for the most part. But I have one other challenge, and that is learn how to slow down and accommodate those that may not be as smart, but may offer me emotional rewards. There is a reason other people exist in our lives: to teach us fully about life.
High school already taught me that my brain alone won't make my dreams come true: it takes hard work and heart. And looking at the future taught me that there are lots of great women out there who are total catches: smart, beautiful and successful, but are so frustrated when it comes down to one thing. It takes other people to make them feel any less happier than their own personal accomplishments dictate them to feel about themselves.
Personally, rational thought is very depressing. Sure, there's a strange comfort in certainty, but most of that certainty is knowing that lots of horrible things happen every day. If I'm thinking all sorts of things like that, then my feelings will go haywire; sometimes it creates a vicious cycle. Emotions are a thing all of their own. Only others can really get to the heart of the matter.

Jason Robert Brown has a knack for composing music that captures any aspect of the heart. That's why he's one of my favorites. Plus, his music is catchy.

"And I Will Follow"

Ask me something easier
A smile, a kiss…
Look, I'll give you anything
But don't ask me this.
Don't ask for faith when there's no great supply,
Don't ask for love when I'm just now beginning to feel it
And don't know quite why.

Here come the waves - here comes the ocean -
How to decide?
What's there to risk? Why is the course unclear?
Practical fact, foolish emotion,
Terrible pride…
What's there to fear?
Take me from here!

And I will follow
Anywhere,
I will follow,
And you will lead me there.

I should resist,
I should refuse you.
Ask me again!
See how I’m strong?
See how I keep my vow?
Maybe I’ll trip –
Maybe I’ll lose you!
What happens then?
What happens now!
Just show me how…

And I will follow
Anywhere,
I will follow,
And you will lead me there.

Oh, all the voices that beg me to stand my ground -
Oh, all the voices that tell me to stay -
All representing the life that I'd planned around:
Do what's expected,
Do what's accepted,
Do what you're told to,
Until today!
'Til today…

I will follow
Anywhere,
I will follow,
And you will lead me
There…

I will follow
And you will lead me there.

Crush radar

Let me start off by saying that life would be so much easier if there wasn't such thing as attraction. However, life would be much more boring.

Okay, so two years in college helped me realize what would really happen if I were to be put in a normal environment with males around. Apparently there really is something about me, and I can sniff it. Is it because of how hard they fall or how intuitive I am?

It's sad that...

Watching every episode of Sex and the City is making me feel that this blog will no longer be original anymore. The only way this can be original is if I write about my personal experiences, but I'm so vague with them on this here blog that I try to put it in a "don't you ever feel this way?"-context. For obvious reasons, I don't plan on being super-personal unless certain readers really do have my word for it to confirm the real motive for me writing such an entry.

I'll tell you why Sex and the City is such a good show: it makes its viewers laugh, empathize and think, all in the same time frame. For me, I watch it for the laughs, because the thought-provoking elements of the show just taunt me with their "I beat you to the punch, you'll never be more poignant than me" messages. I'll just opt out of this race and blow a raspberry before I myself fall into Carrie Bradshaw's trap of seeing a guy as an asshole just because he really cannot see eye to eye with a woman.

So I finished watching season 2 all over again, and I love and hate being hooked. I don't think Carrie Bradshaw is absolutely brilliant, because her wit is the wit of Candace Bushnell, accrued over months of thinking about how four random women who happen to be close friends would go about in New York. I'm just jealous right now, sorry.

Thought for this entry: There's so many to choose from. Is it possible to be friends with an ex? When is enough definitely enough? Is dating limited to just playing games with each other? What is it that I'm thinking right now about all of this? That maybe I could just turn away and start convincing myself that celibacy and nunhood should be a serious alternative. Or maybe I'm too young to even care.

Okay, here's my real moment of honesty: I really want to believe that guys don't matter. But that's not true. They are people I can befriend, yet I feel more concerned with choosing and keeping the close ones I have now. And maybe my first statement is a half-truth, because some mistakes with a guy shouldn't stop me from just saying hi to certain others out of fear of being Binibining Tsismis. I already have a handful of lessons to learn with the friends I already have; I have to learn how to forgive myself more easily, really take risks with the ones I consider close, and to embrace intimacy when that is what friends are there for. Does it sound like I need a man to broaden my horizons and learn my life lessons from? No, plus attraction is much too volatile, like possesing a flask of vodka in the classroom of life.