Cold Mountain

Cold Mountain is a movie directed by Anthony Minghella (a really good director who passed away before his prime) about a Confederate soldier who is returning to the love of his life. I dare say that the journey of finding "the one" or even "the perfect one for right now" is just as tough a journey...

...For the friends who tag along.

If there's anything I learned about living with a few 20-somethings for a year, it's that the phase where one dates around is quite an insufferable one. Especially for the best friends who mean well. Let's be honest, having a close friend share their experiences of a most recent date are likely to be futile because you never get it right with somebody until you, well, finally get it right. It's a time when friends put up with not spending as much quality time and on top of that, listening to this person talk about their dud of a date (dud to the person or to the friend). This is a period of growth literally everybody wishes would fast forward, to spare the one looking for the right one disappointment and possible self-esteem issues, and to spare his or her friends who have to listen to how well it's working out with this new one (not!) some sanity. As a friend I felt like I had to walk a tightrope between being brutally honest and still being on good terms with them. How are you supposed to tell somebody you care about that they may not see it but they're making a mistake? If you're honest, your friend doesn't want to talk to you or would point out your own insecurities on the spot. But if you keep quiet, it's like repeatedly getting the scare of riding a vehicle that is rushing 90mph into a two-car garage. Looking back, I've given my friends and family quite the scare with the few losers that I got involved with prior to meeting my boyfriend.

So yes, the journey is that of traversing through a cold mountain, and looking back, I am thankful to have friends and a mother who loves me so much that she'll lose sleep if she suspects that I so much even spend time with a man she considers subpar. To my friends: I'm also very sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you through my painful growth, and I promise to pay your patience and insight forward by one day being there for every girlfriend of mine who is beginning to see someone. I will warn you, I can be overbearing if I don't like the dude for whatever reason, but it's only because I care.

One thing you can do to ease this transitional journey towards finding the perfect long-term mate is to make it as easy as possible to look back on it and laugh. Naturally friends should have a knack for doing that, though one way is to give those bad experiences nicknames. I, for example, have a "Gaston." He was exactly like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast, and because of the nickname I just can't find it in myself to take that experience too seriously and dwell on it. This could also be a chance to explore absurd humor, or the kind of stuff you laugh about as if you just had a crazy night.

Cold Mountain probably won't be funny in retrospect. But I'm quite certain that being put in the shoes of Jude Law in that movie pretty much mirrors the ordeal of getting to the love of one's life. The search for Mr. or Ms. Right most definitely runs the risk of freezing to death, aka running the risk of just "giving into it and just starting to kinda feel numb and warm and then you just get sleepy."*

If you're dating or dating around with an eye towards the long term, please please please spare your friends the grief and don't give in and settle with a "loser" lest you freeze to death. If you're a friend of somebody that's dating or dating around, be prepared like a knowledgeable, patient Sherpa. It's not easy, but the payoff is immense for everybody in the end.

*taken from 30 Rock. Learn from Liz and Jenna, they don't give up on each others' love lives!