Breaking into a person

I know, I also had the option of labeling this entry "The difficulties of being and having the first partner." Apparently this is going to focus on the difficulties of "breaking somebody into relationship material."

Like most other things that you hope to remain in for a good long time (like a good job), there is a learning curve when it comes to relationships. When I was 19, I was given the biggest warning of my life by a loving friend, who took her chance to give me a "palm reading" to deliver an insight directed towards me. She told me to be careful, because it is my inexperience that will be the biggest challenge. Sure enough, that seems to be the case. For anybody.

Part of me wonders if things would go more smoothly if I were with a man with more experience (and more baggage, as a result). Or if I'm in a relatively cushy situation as is, to be able to share first experiences together. But really, this is all theory; in practice, very few actually drop pursuit of a person because of the baggage that lies ahead and just break up with the person after a while of trying the relationship. After all, you can't choose who you fall deeply in love with.

In other words, this isn't so much about his inexperience than it is with my ability to roll with the punches of inexperience. Thing is, it's hard to see the payoff of whether you've taught this person how to make you feel loved, especially when the pain of being disappointed by them hits you. Oftentimes the payoff is reaped by the next partner they have. Or so you think.

On one hand, the inexperience of one or both partners can lead to extremely hurtful events, but on the other hand, how much accountability, understanding and forgiveness has to take place? What I'm trying to say is, yes, breaking in a person is hard to do, but once that's done, how does one keep themselves from dwelling on the hurt of their partner's inexperience? How much of the pain or frustration I experience today really stems from what he did today and not from what disappointments he has wrought in the past? Maybe part of it is just in my head, and it is unfair to blame it on inexperience. After a while inexperience is a crutch everybody must outgrow at some point.

My conclusion is that the hurt can serve to remind you of how much you're truly loved. Once you've gone through all of that bs, now you know that it's a true, deep commitment. That's why some people gush at the thought of somebody marrying their first love, because it's like they survived boot camp together.