Nothing

Acts become more literal when it feels like nothing. And then there are times when you start to feel nothing, and in some situations it seems to be the best thing to feel.

If you really thought about it, making out is gross. But given a certain context, it feels good. Pain is a horrible thing to feel, but some people like feeling it, like during bondage sessions. But then most people start to notice how gross and undesirable it is when they're not feeling anything because the thought enters: "his tongue is in my mouth" or "this is actually very very painful." That's why being raped is a whole different experience than making love. The victim doesn't feel great, she's thinking about how she's being invaded.

I always thought that I get over my feelings faster than usual, but scold myself if I can't get over it any sooner. And then, when all is said, done and thought-out, I felt nothing. So I talk to the dude who has made me feel absolutely stupid, and it's okay. I'm no longer full of contempt, nor am I having any desires or attraction. It's a cathartic feeling; I'm done feeling up in the air and down in the dumps over him, and now it's just talk. It's only talk that doesn't symbolize some rapport towards some grand affair (at least not to me), nor was it a chance for me to verbally degrade him. It's honestly the best feeling I've had, where nothing blew up when I saw him and he talked to me. Then again it could be the magic of the makeup that I wear.