"At least you have a choice."
That statement has never produced so much dread since the day I got all my acceptance letters from all the colleges that I have applied to. It meant that I pretty much had a decision to make.
Funny how humans don't understand the true worth of anything until it's taken away from them. Because until I realized that I'm making choices for myself I thought it was a burden to have other people make decisions for me and all I had to do was to just go with what was left.
Ever read The House of Mirth? Lily Bart is part of high society and her next task in life is to get married. She could marry for love with Lawrence Selden, marry for money free or fear of infidelity with Simon Rosedale, among many other eligible bachelors. My English teacher concluded that maybe she doesn't even want to get married, because as the book went on and time was passing in the story, Lily's choices dwindled, and still she did not marry. She died single.
It's a gripping reality that I don't want to come to terms with. I'm afraid that if I don't make a decision, I'll divide my attentions among different people and just mess up all my commitments, leaving myself with nothing. And what if I do make the decision, but it ends up being a bad one? Love just seems a lot less complicated when one thinks that there's only one person out there for them. And you know what? I can only wish I had that blissful boobish situation and mentality. I badly want to believe in the idea of a single soul mate and none other for all eternity. But I can't, because I also know there's plenty of fish in the sea. The tricky part is when all of them are hungry for the bait at the same time.
Perhaps I do give myself more credit than I deserve. But my mother did warn me about this, and in the meantime, I should consider the chance to have a choice to be a good thing. It means that I don't have to settle for less, especially when 'less' approaches me with nothing to lose.
Funny how humans don't understand the true worth of anything until it's taken away from them. Because until I realized that I'm making choices for myself I thought it was a burden to have other people make decisions for me and all I had to do was to just go with what was left.
Ever read The House of Mirth? Lily Bart is part of high society and her next task in life is to get married. She could marry for love with Lawrence Selden, marry for money free or fear of infidelity with Simon Rosedale, among many other eligible bachelors. My English teacher concluded that maybe she doesn't even want to get married, because as the book went on and time was passing in the story, Lily's choices dwindled, and still she did not marry. She died single.
It's a gripping reality that I don't want to come to terms with. I'm afraid that if I don't make a decision, I'll divide my attentions among different people and just mess up all my commitments, leaving myself with nothing. And what if I do make the decision, but it ends up being a bad one? Love just seems a lot less complicated when one thinks that there's only one person out there for them. And you know what? I can only wish I had that blissful boobish situation and mentality. I badly want to believe in the idea of a single soul mate and none other for all eternity. But I can't, because I also know there's plenty of fish in the sea. The tricky part is when all of them are hungry for the bait at the same time.
Perhaps I do give myself more credit than I deserve. But my mother did warn me about this, and in the meantime, I should consider the chance to have a choice to be a good thing. It means that I don't have to settle for less, especially when 'less' approaches me with nothing to lose.
posted by Dawn at 6:52 PM
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