When singlehood becomes a jerk

I was told not to run away from genuine feelings, especially if it is just to save face. I can be just as stubborn as others who never admit that they're wrong about anything else. So when I feel like singlehood is the safety net that I feel I can always fall back on, then I'll probably never know just how much pain I could be setting myself up for.

Single has fit me well. When I'm down or disappointed, I come back to the thought of being single with open arms. I love it so much that it's the one thing I proudly let the whole world know about, not having to answer to anybody else. I feel free, free to come to the support of close friends. And somewhat relieved that I'm not wrought with relationship problems over something as trivial as men right now.

BUT (and it's a huge but, much like my own) singlehood can be seen like another guy to cling to. 'Single' may deprive me of what's really out there, keeping me to himself as I get more and more desensitized to the feelings of others along with my own. Like an asthma attack, 'Single' can keep me away from the allergenic lies of jerks in this world, but can also keep me away from the fresh breath of truth at the same time. And it is true, single can be bad for me at some point. When singlehood does become detrimental, then like a bad partner, it'll keep coaxing me to come back, never leave me alone, and won't give me a chance to think about what I really want out of someone else. I'll be hopelessly clinging to pride, lying through my teeth about how happy I really am. Why keep lying though? I'm already lying to myself.

"Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl..."