Without You

My dreams of romance are shattered. I could only utter, "oh."
But at the same time, I'm telling myself, "welcome back Dawn! I've missed you!"
This is the only way I could move on. Maybe I'm supposed to feel this way, to give up hopes for now. I value my singlehood. I also fall out of love quite easily. Which means I can walk away. I know myself to be this way, to eventually extricate myself from some very tempting feelings and kill my feelings effectively. So dumping me can mean huge regrets. I make idiots pay, basically.

But this is an exception. I harbor no contempt over what happened or over the reason he suggested a "hiatus." I'm done crying over being a slave to my hormones, and I certainly don't wish to be menopausal with sagging breasts, hot flashes and other indications of estrogen deprivation. Romance is fleeting, but so is sadness. Complaining nor getting my ovaries removed will solve the problem, much less make me happy.

I got it from my mom. She's told me such horrible stories, but every time, she leaves every single jerk. So what if he still has feelings for her? It's his fucking fault. She cannot believe that they ask her if she's gonna go back to them. The answer's very obvious. That's the same set of lines she tells me whenever I'm miserable because of other people. She says "imagine how miserable I was, finding out that my boyfriend was totally what I didn't expect. But I told him that I can leave if he doesn't fix himself." Thank God I'm her daughter. She tells me I'm not quite there yet though.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I never cared. I do get sad and miserable, crying and losing sleep and refusing to eat. I just try not to be so public about my grieving. And I don't like being sad or angry, so given all problems solved and all questions answered on my end, it takes a day max for me to get over it. Still, "Without You" from My Fair Lady is filled with Eliza's contempt towards Higgins. When will there ever be a Broadway number about just plain falling out of love? Eh, Lea Salonga will suffice for now:

The sweetest songs fade to echoes in the wind
The best of times must end, so a new day can begin
And the dreams we dream that seem so real at night
Must meet the morning light and vanish from our sight

It's just good-bye, remember
Time was never our friend
We walked the road together
and we came to the end
It's just good-bye, now I won't tell you not to cry
But I swear that what we had won't die
Cause it isn't over, it's just good-bye

I close my eyes and I still can see your face
I know the truth of us, can't be bound by time or space
And the joy we shared, the magic that we've known
Is something that we own, though we may be alone

It's just good-bye
It doesn't really matter why
I know what we had can never die
Cause I'll always love you
Yes, I'll always love you
So, it's just good-bye