Go ahead, touch it.

I feel tempted to stick my hand in the proverbial fire, in hopes that maybe I can find something out without necessarily getting burned. Last time with one particular person, hell rose. I was still a sophomore in high school, and here was this man, so eerily similar to my current boyfriend at that time, and kept talking to him, which can also be seen as leading him on. Thing is, he was two years older, lived in a dorm already, and went out drinking quite a bit. It's like he deliberately talked to me while inebriated. And you know exactly which inhibitions disappear with alcohol. I dismissed him, even though it was a good while after I'd broken up with the hot actor of a boyfriend because he was going to attend college in NYC. I could swear he was getting obssessed, and like the borracho he was, he yelled his denial...repeatedly. I'd had it, him talking about sex and the inhospitable behavior, time after time. He cracks one day, says his feelings were all a lie and that I was a fool and so terribly self-absorbed to believe it. He ended that with something along the lines of 'good fuckin luck.' Felt like crap, but I was glad it was over.

Then a long while after, like when I was considering what college I was going to attend, he'd pop up and talk again. He still acknowledged the past that he was so embarrassed and hadn't logged onto that screen name for a long time. Shocked I was at the very least, but I must admit, he was an interesting person to talk to if you take away other horrible influences.

Today he was online again. I felt so tempted to message him, much like feeling tempted to touch the fire. I know what it's like to be in the line of fire when it is fueled by alcohol, but I'm curious. There's so much more, like how 17 was the worst year of my life, just like his was (I should know). But I still ask myself why I keep on doing this.