Deleterious jealousy
NEVER date a jealous type. While it is better to be out of a relationship with a jealous type rather than staying in it,
the damage has already been done. The things a jealous partner does:
Calls 12 times a day (it was cute early on, but now it's obsessive)
Constantly asks about your whereabouts and actions
Limits your contact with others
Controls your behavior through tantrums and ultimatums
Expresses lots of insecurity (gets mad, is so dependent on partner's actions for their happiness)
Eventually, it can get violent, but most of all, it chips away at self-esteem and reduces one to a second-guessing, blubbering pile of insecurity. Worse yet, recovery is difficult, and the repercussions of once having a jealous partner can spill into future relationships.
Even when I only dated a self-proclaimed former jealous type (meaning I never agreed to commit),
I can tell that I've become slightly attached, worrying about my actions, and sadly, thinking that I'm a little responsible for his feelings. Sure, I've had selfish cousins before where they'll throw a tantrum and try to make me feel guilty because I didn't do everything they said (and it'd work), and I guess it's the same for being around a jealous type. There are times I've tried to rationalize why they are mad at me and why I feel like crap (not good!), but the bottom line is, "it's all them" and hardly ever me. Read: jealous types are the real effed up ones. They may make it seem like it's their partner who is messed, but it's really them projecting themselves onto their partner.
The only time one should feel like they brought it upon themselves upon running into a jealous type is when they make a conscious decision to stay (they don't get help, they don't reach out to a friend and admit that their partner is crap for them). That's the difference between a smart girl and someone who just likes to shoot herself in the foot; a smart girl can't exactly control the kinds of people who run into her, but she can decide whom she wants to see again.
My advice: in a partnership, one does not control the other. If that's the case, then it's not a good partnership. Know your worth, and only then will you know how full of shit a jealous type is. Afterwards, dispose accordingly.
the damage has already been done. The things a jealous partner does:
Calls 12 times a day (it was cute early on, but now it's obsessive)
Constantly asks about your whereabouts and actions
Limits your contact with others
Controls your behavior through tantrums and ultimatums
Expresses lots of insecurity (gets mad, is so dependent on partner's actions for their happiness)
Eventually, it can get violent, but most of all, it chips away at self-esteem and reduces one to a second-guessing, blubbering pile of insecurity. Worse yet, recovery is difficult, and the repercussions of once having a jealous partner can spill into future relationships.
Even when I only dated a self-proclaimed former jealous type (meaning I never agreed to commit),
I can tell that I've become slightly attached, worrying about my actions, and sadly, thinking that I'm a little responsible for his feelings. Sure, I've had selfish cousins before where they'll throw a tantrum and try to make me feel guilty because I didn't do everything they said (and it'd work), and I guess it's the same for being around a jealous type. There are times I've tried to rationalize why they are mad at me and why I feel like crap (not good!), but the bottom line is, "it's all them" and hardly ever me. Read: jealous types are the real effed up ones. They may make it seem like it's their partner who is messed, but it's really them projecting themselves onto their partner.
The only time one should feel like they brought it upon themselves upon running into a jealous type is when they make a conscious decision to stay (they don't get help, they don't reach out to a friend and admit that their partner is crap for them). That's the difference between a smart girl and someone who just likes to shoot herself in the foot; a smart girl can't exactly control the kinds of people who run into her, but she can decide whom she wants to see again.
My advice: in a partnership, one does not control the other. If that's the case, then it's not a good partnership. Know your worth, and only then will you know how full of shit a jealous type is. Afterwards, dispose accordingly.
posted by Dawn at 11:09 PM
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