Make or Break moments
There are times in dating relationships when big changes are about to happen. There's asking out, exclusivity, the first real fight, engagement, marriage. These things can shake resolves to the core and stir up so much fear and uncertainty that can paralyze a person.
I remember being bombarded with Christian Carter and his "Catch Him and Keep Him" e-book. He talks about how to get a guy and avoid the pitfalls most women make with their partners, and attests that he knows best because he's researched human psychology extensively and is a guy himself. Being the cheapskate that I am, I settle for the free emails that tell me bits and pieces of his book. I got the gist of it, and there's quite a lot to keep in mind. But just for now I'll elaborate on one point that he made.
How to treat "make or break" moments. These are the times when it can all fall apart or get stronger, and can be the most harrowing times in the relationship. Of course, if a
relationship were to last, it'd have to go through the "make or break" moments one time or another.
Granted, things won't be the same after that fateful event, but it is up to you to decide whether it will be a major change for the better or for the worst. The worst thing to do is to put off these transitions and wait until they become more pressing; in fact, that is one of the biggest mistakes that women do in attempts to come off as a "cool girl," they put it off. The big changes are like feelings: the more you try to hide them, the more they bite you in the butt when the time comes. Chances are when the anticipated change rears its ugly head, the woman who's been putting them off is already frustrated that the change is not happening the way they want it to.
When the time comes that a clarifying discussion about the state or progression of the relationship is necessary, at least one party will be too frustrated to talk about it in a caring, positive way. All the person will point out is how it's not working for them, all the wrong things happening, and rarely conveying any hint of excitement or joy of sharing a romance with the person right before them. What is supposed to feel like a proposal, a momentous step forward, sounds like a breakup. Avoid this situation as much as possible! Every time somebody reaches this point, it's like giving the romance a chance to commit suicide.
After this basic gist, here are some suggestions:
DO bring up issues. It makes sense to discuss issues pertinent to the both of you.
DO express fears and doubts, but DON'T act out on them.
DO give them a chance to understand you. It's for the better.
DO pick a time when you're emotionally stable to discuss such issues. You'll be less likely to act out on your negativity/pessimism.
DON'T put it off!
It's a chance to move forward, and it's up to the both of you to take it together.
I remember being bombarded with Christian Carter and his "Catch Him and Keep Him" e-book. He talks about how to get a guy and avoid the pitfalls most women make with their partners, and attests that he knows best because he's researched human psychology extensively and is a guy himself. Being the cheapskate that I am, I settle for the free emails that tell me bits and pieces of his book. I got the gist of it, and there's quite a lot to keep in mind. But just for now I'll elaborate on one point that he made.
How to treat "make or break" moments. These are the times when it can all fall apart or get stronger, and can be the most harrowing times in the relationship. Of course, if a
relationship were to last, it'd have to go through the "make or break" moments one time or another.
Granted, things won't be the same after that fateful event, but it is up to you to decide whether it will be a major change for the better or for the worst. The worst thing to do is to put off these transitions and wait until they become more pressing; in fact, that is one of the biggest mistakes that women do in attempts to come off as a "cool girl," they put it off. The big changes are like feelings: the more you try to hide them, the more they bite you in the butt when the time comes. Chances are when the anticipated change rears its ugly head, the woman who's been putting them off is already frustrated that the change is not happening the way they want it to.
When the time comes that a clarifying discussion about the state or progression of the relationship is necessary, at least one party will be too frustrated to talk about it in a caring, positive way. All the person will point out is how it's not working for them, all the wrong things happening, and rarely conveying any hint of excitement or joy of sharing a romance with the person right before them. What is supposed to feel like a proposal, a momentous step forward, sounds like a breakup. Avoid this situation as much as possible! Every time somebody reaches this point, it's like giving the romance a chance to commit suicide.
After this basic gist, here are some suggestions:
DO bring up issues. It makes sense to discuss issues pertinent to the both of you.
DO express fears and doubts, but DON'T act out on them.
DO give them a chance to understand you. It's for the better.
DO pick a time when you're emotionally stable to discuss such issues. You'll be less likely to act out on your negativity/pessimism.
DON'T put it off!
It's a chance to move forward, and it's up to the both of you to take it together.
posted by Dawn at 12:27 PM
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