Whose job is it anyway?
Is it up to the girl to call the guy for no particular reason and to stretch out a conversation up to two hours long if possible?
Is it up to the guy to be first, first in asking, making the first move, etc?
And if done by someone otherwise, exactly to what degree is such an individual shunned?
With the way I'm asking these questions, and at that rate they might as well be rhetorical. But seriously, what is it that makes a guy defer most of the decision making over to the girl, if and when it does happen? If he says, "you go ahead and hit me up anytime you wanna go out" when he could very well just ask right then and there, does it mean "I want to spare my feelings right now" or "I just don't want to look desperate?" And is that hesitancy related to the girl appearing as intimidating?
I remember one time at dinner my RA asked me and my floormates, "Would it freak you out if a girl just walked right up and said, 'hey, I think you're cute, let's go out?'" The guys still said yes. Convention changes so slowly, sometimes painfully slow. I have no problem asking myself, thinking that whatever happens with that one person, stays with that one person. In the worst case, even humiliation passes. But alas, I still worry what the other person is thinking and that's why I don't ask out...too much. I too feel the sting of no response or no returned calls.
Maybe it's just that everyone's just plain busy. And maybe I should just look up to the heavens and believe that every thing happens in due time, and we'll all just know when it feels right and there are no doubts and regrets.
Is it up to the guy to be first, first in asking, making the first move, etc?
And if done by someone otherwise, exactly to what degree is such an individual shunned?
With the way I'm asking these questions, and at that rate they might as well be rhetorical. But seriously, what is it that makes a guy defer most of the decision making over to the girl, if and when it does happen? If he says, "you go ahead and hit me up anytime you wanna go out" when he could very well just ask right then and there, does it mean "I want to spare my feelings right now" or "I just don't want to look desperate?" And is that hesitancy related to the girl appearing as intimidating?
I remember one time at dinner my RA asked me and my floormates, "Would it freak you out if a girl just walked right up and said, 'hey, I think you're cute, let's go out?'" The guys still said yes. Convention changes so slowly, sometimes painfully slow. I have no problem asking myself, thinking that whatever happens with that one person, stays with that one person. In the worst case, even humiliation passes. But alas, I still worry what the other person is thinking and that's why I don't ask out...too much. I too feel the sting of no response or no returned calls.
Maybe it's just that everyone's just plain busy. And maybe I should just look up to the heavens and believe that every thing happens in due time, and we'll all just know when it feels right and there are no doubts and regrets.
posted by Dawn at 9:06 PM
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