Closet long-term girl
Do you ever sit and wonder what kind of first impression you have on others? How about what your significant other or best friend first thought of you? If you ask me, I wonder quite a bit.
First impressions are crucial, and even the way you say hello can determine what the outcome is already going to be. That's why I learned how indispensable faking confidence is. If I look competent, then everybody else will think I am.
So, without further ado, I shall share my stories of the first impression I had on my past romantic interests. Usually I get filed into, "fun friend but not my type" and "maybe even annoying or too high-maintenance." The worst kind of impression I have given off is "party girl." Let me tell you, you attract the wrong kind of men with the party girl image. In fact, it had the potential to ruin my chances of getting together with my boyfriend. Just like I said, if you don't look and act like you want to be viewed, then you will not be treated accordingly. That pretty much explains the unwanted attention that I received this past summer.
Back when I used to believe that "when I fall in love it will be forever," I was transparent, a total sap for budding romances, until I got very hurt. Suddenly, believing in forever felt embarrassing, a total lost cause. I totally blew it. I passed the first impression test, because this guy was attracted to me. Almost immediately I dreamt of commitment to its highest form. After that, I did not want to appear that I want a guy that I felt I can be with forever. Parties with friends sounded like fun. Doing things that didn't require a guy was fun. But at the same time I was not being honest with what I really wanted. I didn't want to be humiliated for believing in being together forever. So it made sense to pretend being a party girl, who enjoys dressing up, dancing and making out with cute boys. That, and flowers, chocolates and public displays of affection were so overrated.
There was one catch to having a "party girl" image...the scum of the earth want to date you. When you're meant for the long-term, humping and ditching is not easy to do. When I didn't take guys seriously, they didn't take me seriously either. I ran into guys who most likely just wanted me for what they believed would be months of nonstop sex, and then that's it. No more happily ever after. I almost dug my own grave and closed myself off to the guys that really do want to fall in love with someone they're so drawn to, who's smart and beautiful.
Finally admitting once again that I believe in relationships that last is like closet homosexuals who are happier because they came out. I may be reluctant to believe in forever because of the past hurt, but there's still hope. For one thing, I'm not divorced, so my idea of forever hasn't died a horrible death. I can pretend to act like flowers, cards, jewelry and wonderful views don't get to me, but they do. For the first time, I can someday admit that I'm in love, and it will last.
First impressions are crucial, and even the way you say hello can determine what the outcome is already going to be. That's why I learned how indispensable faking confidence is. If I look competent, then everybody else will think I am.
So, without further ado, I shall share my stories of the first impression I had on my past romantic interests. Usually I get filed into, "fun friend but not my type" and "maybe even annoying or too high-maintenance." The worst kind of impression I have given off is "party girl." Let me tell you, you attract the wrong kind of men with the party girl image. In fact, it had the potential to ruin my chances of getting together with my boyfriend. Just like I said, if you don't look and act like you want to be viewed, then you will not be treated accordingly. That pretty much explains the unwanted attention that I received this past summer.
Back when I used to believe that "when I fall in love it will be forever," I was transparent, a total sap for budding romances, until I got very hurt. Suddenly, believing in forever felt embarrassing, a total lost cause. I totally blew it. I passed the first impression test, because this guy was attracted to me. Almost immediately I dreamt of commitment to its highest form. After that, I did not want to appear that I want a guy that I felt I can be with forever. Parties with friends sounded like fun. Doing things that didn't require a guy was fun. But at the same time I was not being honest with what I really wanted. I didn't want to be humiliated for believing in being together forever. So it made sense to pretend being a party girl, who enjoys dressing up, dancing and making out with cute boys. That, and flowers, chocolates and public displays of affection were so overrated.
There was one catch to having a "party girl" image...the scum of the earth want to date you. When you're meant for the long-term, humping and ditching is not easy to do. When I didn't take guys seriously, they didn't take me seriously either. I ran into guys who most likely just wanted me for what they believed would be months of nonstop sex, and then that's it. No more happily ever after. I almost dug my own grave and closed myself off to the guys that really do want to fall in love with someone they're so drawn to, who's smart and beautiful.
Finally admitting once again that I believe in relationships that last is like closet homosexuals who are happier because they came out. I may be reluctant to believe in forever because of the past hurt, but there's still hope. For one thing, I'm not divorced, so my idea of forever hasn't died a horrible death. I can pretend to act like flowers, cards, jewelry and wonderful views don't get to me, but they do. For the first time, I can someday admit that I'm in love, and it will last.
Labels: Introspection
posted by Dawn at 9:44 PM
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