Habits of singlehood

On the road to a committed relationship, there was turmoil on both ends.  Towards the end of the series "Dawn's Next Boyfriend," I had already selected the winner before the result was announced, but I felt that I had to play it cool until he asked.  On his end, he said he was going to wait a little bit longer to ask me to commit because as early as the first date I told him that I was in a bachelorette stage, talking to other men and whatnot.  For the duration of the "series," I felt wildly liberated while flirting for free drinks at bars, dressing up and having good times.  I didn't feel lonely and I took singlehood for what it is, even if it meant saying 'no' when someone wondered if I had a boyfriend.  

Nonetheless, it's a new feeling, being on the other side of the fence.  I'm afraid it might unnecessarily kill things if I'm constantly bringing up my "fear" that my single habits might die hard.  Like maybe I'm still reeling other men in emotionally and inadvertently setting easy traps for infidelity.  Or giving in to other men that I may be attracted to.  Fact of the matter is, I'm a bit concerned because I've never been in a serious relationship, one where I feel so willing to give and share my future with someone else.  Maybe it doesn't come out right when I'm telling him that I'm afraid of being inclined to cheat.  

I came to the point that active singlehood is like social justice; you know that efforts toward social justice are successful when they are no longer needed and have accomplished their objective by being means to its own end.  I've already attained my objective, and hopefully I don't have to go back to singlehood, back when I secretly hoped for a wonderful guy and had my mind guessing everything.  I mean, I still guess and wonder what my future is like, but there are little things that tell me that I really wouldn't want it any other way than it is right now.  I can still flirt, and at least it's not like there's a huge risk involved, unless it's flattering a wonderful guy whom I know deserves it: now my words are for his ears only.  And frankly, I'm tired of meeting guys who just don't fit the bill.  I'm tired of making out with Gaston and having so many people that I know talk about it afterwards.  I may miss being very single, but I really don't.  In fact, I should thank my singlehood for the good times and the bad.