How soon is too soon?
How soon is too soon for anything? How soon is too soon to get someone a gift? How soon is too soon to become exclusive?
How soon is too soon to ramp up the intimacy?
I hate to say it, but IT DEPENDS. It depends on the reasons for doing them, and what kind of act is being done or is being implied. Sure, it pays to be thoughtful, it's no problem that I casually leave my copy of The New York Times in his car for him to read or lend him a book or a mug or poster. It's friendly. Nothing more, nothing less (at least it shouldn't be, otherwise there will be problems). If anything, it's the weighty gifts like flowers (that depends too), jewelry and underwear that have to be placed on a timetable in order to be safe. Personally, I'd freak out if I was being wooed and given a crystal necklace within a month of going out with such a prince.
Bottom line: It still takes some getting to know the other person
before deciding on a gift that will create its intended effect.
How soon is too soon to become intimate (physically and emotionally)?
I'm thoroughly convinced that having physical relations too soon creates the problem of dangerously anachronistic attachment. For anybody who's gone past this threshold, lots of things just happen. Passions can just simply unhinge, and the moment and environment can be just right to be vulnerable. This is where people should create a
balance in pacing of both attraction and compatibility (the right
amount being introduced at the right time). Everybody deserves to know what they're getting into, and relationships are no exception.
How soon is it to be exclusive?
It really depends. Bottom line is that it is a risk to take. At best, it's calculated. As long as that's done, an exclusive relationship has a chance. Same applies to marriage. Consider as many factors as possible, and keep your smart cap on.
There's no timetable for any of this, because you have to think it through. I found it hilarious that I was being badgered for having a timetable in my head on when I decided to put out. In my head, that wasn't the issue. I didn't have a timetable with that guy; I had issues with him instead, wondering if he was going to be the right guy to share fears, hopes and dreams with if he was going to keep pushing back on the physical boundaries I have set before him. Why gamble if you're not sure you have a chance of winning?
How soon is too soon to ramp up the intimacy?
I hate to say it, but IT DEPENDS. It depends on the reasons for doing them, and what kind of act is being done or is being implied. Sure, it pays to be thoughtful, it's no problem that I casually leave my copy of The New York Times in his car for him to read or lend him a book or a mug or poster. It's friendly. Nothing more, nothing less (at least it shouldn't be, otherwise there will be problems). If anything, it's the weighty gifts like flowers (that depends too), jewelry and underwear that have to be placed on a timetable in order to be safe. Personally, I'd freak out if I was being wooed and given a crystal necklace within a month of going out with such a prince.
Bottom line: It still takes some getting to know the other person
before deciding on a gift that will create its intended effect.
How soon is too soon to become intimate (physically and emotionally)?
I'm thoroughly convinced that having physical relations too soon creates the problem of dangerously anachronistic attachment. For anybody who's gone past this threshold, lots of things just happen. Passions can just simply unhinge, and the moment and environment can be just right to be vulnerable. This is where people should create a
balance in pacing of both attraction and compatibility (the right
amount being introduced at the right time). Everybody deserves to know what they're getting into, and relationships are no exception.
How soon is it to be exclusive?
It really depends. Bottom line is that it is a risk to take. At best, it's calculated. As long as that's done, an exclusive relationship has a chance. Same applies to marriage. Consider as many factors as possible, and keep your smart cap on.
There's no timetable for any of this, because you have to think it through. I found it hilarious that I was being badgered for having a timetable in my head on when I decided to put out. In my head, that wasn't the issue. I didn't have a timetable with that guy; I had issues with him instead, wondering if he was going to be the right guy to share fears, hopes and dreams with if he was going to keep pushing back on the physical boundaries I have set before him. Why gamble if you're not sure you have a chance of winning?
Labels: Advice column
posted by Dawn at 2:11 PM
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