"Sexually anorexic"

Last week was Women for Change week, and one of their main themes was sexual violence. It's an issue near and dear to me. The way I feel is that rape, battery, and harassment has already happened, but the best I can do is to let survivors know that it is not their fault, and advocate towards combating myths. In short, I've joined UCLA's Clothesline Project, where shirts are decorated by survivors for all to see. It's a good demonstration that no one is alone in such experiences.

Personally for me, I'm still dealing with few after-effects a little over a year since I was battered. The way I look at romance and sex is like how an anorexic looks at food. I still dream and yearn for it, and yet am celibate beyond my desires. I'm afraid that another sexual experience will render me sick, conjuring the fear I felt from what happened ago. I didn't think I'd have physical intimacy issues, but I do. I have foolishy squandered someone's feelings before, partly because I was not willing to be grinded on by him at a club (then again, who would?) . Just like the anorexic cries how he or she can't keep anything down, I am sad that I can't seem to enjoy something meant to be cherished.